Blurry Vision and Dry Vaginas
Photo: Nickolas Nikolic, Unsplash
My first sign of aging came in my early forties when silvery strands of hair on my head started to peek through my dark locks. Nothing a little hair dye couldn’t remedy. But when my vision started to falter in my mid-forties, I got a bit more frustrated. First, because I never needed glasses before. And second, because my eyesight kept getting worse. It started with reading fine print but by the time I turned fifty, everything was blurry – the computer screen, the food on my plate, price tags in stores, street signs, my own face in the mirror! Nothing reminds you more of your fading youth than looking at your pores and wrinkles daily in a 20X magnifying mirror!
Maybe aging is best served blurry; life’s way of softening the blow. I remember sitting across from my husband at dinner one evening, and I mentioned the wrinkles I noticed around his eyes. Without missing a beat, he responded, “Take off your glasses, and I’ll look better.” So, I did, and he was right! That trick didn’t last very long for me because although I loved the added fashion statement my cool-looking purple glasses gave me, I eventually decided to get lens replacement surgery. Now I can see everything…all the time. Ironically, nothing about aging has gotten any clearer to me, especially how it affects women’s sexuality.
Something surely went askew when the universe created the male and female body relative to aging. Men’s sexual machinery and reproductive capability can function well into old age, and if it doesn’t, there’s always that little blue pill. Women, on the other hand, undergo massive hormonal changes leading up to and post menopause, which can cause a myriad of sexual issues. There was a time when women never talked about those issues, but thanks to Eve Ensler’s 1990’s play, “The Vagina Monologues”, the cat (or dare I say pussy) was out of the bag. The vagina finally had a voice, and the monologues have now become dialogs between friends, lovers and doctors. When I started talking to my girlfriends about menopausal hormonal issues, I quickly realized some sort of sexual malfunction, be it dry vaginas or lack of sex drive, was pretty common. And, we all wanted help.
One day, while I was paying for a pair of sneakers at the Nike store, my girlfriend called. I hit the speaker button to tell her I would call her right back, but before I uttered a word, she blurted out, “Guess what? My vagina is drying up! What should I do?” I wish I could’ve snapped a photo of the young male cashier standing right in front of me. He turned an awkward shade of pink and did a terrible job of acting like he didn’t hear a thing. Of course, he checked me out at warp speed!
My friend was asking for my advice because I had my own bout of “dry vagina” and found some solutions that worked for me. Now, a dry vagina on its own is not a problem if you’re not putting anything up there – a penis, a finger, a dildo. But when no amount of normal lube works, penetration feels like sandpaper ripping the skin off a delicate peach. Ouch! Needless to say, it’s a real kill-joy for sex. If your dry vagina is adding pain instead of pleasure to your sex life you don’t have to accept that. You should be able to enjoy sex at any age if you want to, especially if you have a partner like my husband who still has the libido of a twenty-five-year-old!
The first thing I would recommend is to get acquainted with your vagina. When you have any physical issue, it’s important to know as much as you can about that body part so you can articulate what’s going on with it, whether that be to your doctor or your partner. So, take a look down there with a mirror. Feel around. This is a sacred and beautiful part of your body - a vessel where life is created and born, and where pleasure is given and received. It deserved to have your full attention.
After that, you should be able to talk about what ails you. Communication is the only way to find a solution that works for you. Talk to your friends, your partner, your doctor and other health professionals. Do research, read books, and don’t give up. There are plenty of things you can try – topical creams, herbs, supplements, holistic practices, bioidentical hormone replacement. Yes, there will be some trial and error, but isn’t it worth finding a solution to your dry vagina or other menopausal symptoms?. And, while you’re looking for answers, if you still feel like having sex, explore other ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that don’t involve penetration. There are plenty.
Lastly, if your libido is low, address that issue too because even if your vagina is moist, if you’re not interested in sex and your partner is, that could create lots of tension in the relationship. Here again, there are many remedies you can try to boost your sex drive – herbal supplements, cannabis, hormone replacement. There are also physical activities that can “prime the pump” – a weekly date night, erotic books or movies, mental fantasies, sex toys, new positions. And don’t forget to take care of yourself. No, I don’t mean masturbation, although that’s another good path to sexual excitement. I’m talking about getting good sleep, exercising and eating healthy. Taking care of your body will help you look better and feel healthier, which matters when it comes to sex drive and stamina.
While lots of things may dry up as you get older, from your vision to your vagina, life and sex don’t have to end as your body changes with age. Celebrate your forties and beyond by embracing your eyesight and finding solutions to menopausal madness. Life is just a whole lot more fun with cool-looking glasses and frequent orgasms.
By Debbie Gisonni
P.S. Learning to love yourself is difficult at any age, but loving your older self is even more challenging. If you interested in ways to love yourself and bring more love into your life, check out my BE LOVED NOW! course.